feelings, life, love, loyalty, sugar

Love is

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Love lives within everyone. It makes no sense looking for it on dating websites or casting nervous glances dressed up and downtown on Friday night.

Are you still seeking the feeling that has always been here with you? Are you heart-broken trying to kill it forever? Stupid, very stupid. First, no one makes you heart-broken, but your own desires to suffer, to feel significant and unique. Second, as long as you are alive, love will always be there.

All you do – you suppress love, you bury it under piles of inferiority complexes, needs to comply with societal standards, rigid principles and stubborn morality. You are too brainwashed by how people should behave, what they should and should not do, and what you need to do to have love in your life. You refuse to feel unless love complies with social norms and stays within ethical guidelines sterile and merciless as surgical lightning.

You demand control and possession, loyalty and consistency. You are adamant that his or her genitals should only be your property, and you freak out when being hit by the reality that control is fake, possessing others is unfeasible, loyalty is a myth, and consistency is great when achieving career goals; but love has nothing to do with it.

You seek love desperate, angry, and vindictive that he or she does not belong to you. You are unwilling to relinquish the imposed by the society conditions under which love should appear or disappear. You label others, you label yourself. You run away from the simple truth that love cannot be put on solely one person.

You lock yourself from the truth that chaining the other human being through money, marriage, financial commitments, or kids has nothing to do with love. You are afraid to admit that people come into this world, live, and pass away by themselves, and forcing them to stay in relations with you forever will never work since loneliness is a part of our existence. Our paths may cross, we may walk the same road, but it is only temporarily, sooner or later we will part ways and proceed by ourselves. It is normal, it is natural, it is part of our life.

Do you want love? Why are you resisting to accept that love won’t fill in the emptiness in your soul? You created your emptiness and worthlessness, and you are searching for someone to relieve you from your own mess, seriously?

You want love in order not to feel lonely, really? Why can’t you enjoy the present of freedom that you have as a human being on this planet?

Are you scared to be by yourself?  – Having another person in your bed will silence your fears but only for a little while.

Are you guilty and ashamed that everyone is happy, and you are not?  – Happiness begins with your own inner world, if you are not happy with yourself, how can another person be happy around you?

Are you desperate? – You emit despair

Are you horny? – You emit lust

Are you needy? – You emit neediness

Despair, lust, and neediness have nothing to do with feelings, they are mere emotions that will get you hooked up with certain people that will satisfy your cravings but only for a very short time. You cannot resolve your own issues through others.

Can you feel sincerely happy for someone who wakes up and smiles with another person? Can you send all your positive energy to the one who is too busy to remember your birthday date and your existence? No? Is love something that you need to have another person on a leash to serve your interests, your ego, and your penis or vagina 24 hours a day? If so, you are not there yet, you still have a long way to go.

 

 

escort, feelings, life, love, loyalty, relations, sugar life

Escort Girl, Greg, Meeting in Cheretto

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I love Cheretto, it is quietly private, insanely upscale, and extremely elitist. I love its snobby atmosphere, dim lighting, and hidden but obvious discrimination by status, income, and power. Open for members only. The application for the membership gets politely denied with a seemingly valid and politically correct reason after 3 to 5 years of being on the waiting list. The reminiscent of a library décor, comfy leather seating, and highly maintained and beautifully fit females, quietly waiting for their partners to finish lunch-and-laptop break. It is very safe and relaxing here in the atmosphere of dominance, exclusivity, and selective privilege. Mike got me the membership long ago. A weed among purebreds, I always feel happy to pause my crazy squirrel-cage-run and immerse in a different reality, in the world of veneer smiles and private jets.
 
I was enjoying my loneliness and sparkling lemon water, when I heard Heather’s laughter. I looked up, I saw her and Greg at the bar. My first thought was “Cheretto is getting cheap, how could they possibly allow someone in scrubs here?” But he was with my Heather, who had the membership through one of her sugar daddies. They were talking, she was laughing, white tight shirt on her perfect boob-job. She was stunning as usual.
 
Surprisingly, I felt nothing. His scrubs just bothered me, that place was way too refined for his stupid hospital uniform. Heather finally turned around, our eyes met. I watched her hurriedly leaning in close to him; I could imagine what she was whispering in his ear, since he turned around as well and waved at me. I waved back and shifted my gaze to the lemon water. I knew she would come to my table. I felt her presume as she sat down and gave me a hug.
 
          Hi Vixen
          Hi, – I kept staring at the bubbly water in my glass
          Vixen
          What?
          You gotta understand, it is just a job
I reluctantly glanced up at her face. She looked worried and sincerely concerned.  
          He is a greedy shit-heard, your words, Heather
          Correct,  – she had to lower her voice since Greg kept staring at us from the bar area, – but he offered a great allowance this weekend
          Heather, – The lemon water was ice-cold and caused a sharp pain in the both temples, – he is just a surgeon, you are way too expensive for this. When did you break up with your Tokyo guy?
          I did not break up with him, Greg is just a side-job. And yes, he is cheap and cannot afford me, he just wanted to spend one weekend, the pay is good, and I agreed. It’s only business
          I see
          Are you mad? Are we still friends? You are my best friend, Vixen
          Do me a favor
          Anything
          Do not take him here any more, this is the only place where I feel safe and happy, don’t ruin it
          I won’t I promise. He will pay, and we will leave
          Ok
          Vixen
          What?
          Are we still friends?
          You gotta go, he is waiting, I know Greg, he won’t pay for the time you are here with me
          Are we still friends? – her bitchy upscale gloss was gone, she looked helplessly crappy, I felt disgusted
          Go
 
They left quietly and quickly. That night I got his text. “I am in bed with a call girl, thinking about f*cking you from behind” . I deleted the message and turned the TV on.
dominance, honesty, life, love, loyalty, power

Loyalty and honesty

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          I want loyalty and honesty, – this was Jim’s usual mantra, something he was constantly begging for with that puppy-look in his deeply dark Italian eyes.
 
          I thought you want passion and affection, – I was flirtatiously evasive. He had the power to literary destroy my life with his influence, money, and connections.  I could feel his mightiness; scary and magnetic, hot and cold, crazy and sane. My personality split. Part of me craved him badly, the other part kept running away. That fearful excitement got me wet, very wet. The feeling of powerlessness was amazing; sexually arousing and insanely scary. My nipples were erect every time he threw me to the roller coaster of elation and panic. I was addicted to it.  
 
 
          I want you, be honest and consistent with me. I am tired of being the Yo-Yo. I want my lover back, are you still my hot sub?
 
Jim was into dom/sub role playing. He was dom to the point of being sadistic. I kept giving in since there was something very calming in the realization that he has the entire control over my body and my mind. That hypnotic powerlessness had me return to him after lashing out in the effort to break up. I almost belonged to him. The only thing I kept to myself was the element of loyalty and honesty that he was craving for. I am very loyal and perfectly honest to myself, and to no one else. I am a cat girl that is used to the luxury of fifth avenue houses and gulf clubs. I do not have much attachment to people.  And Jim felt that, and it drove him nuts.
 
He was asking for the impossible, he wanted my soul; and I was not willing to give it to him. His inquiries about my total belonginess to his wants and needs caused fits of my hysterical laughter. I never said yes or no.
 
          If you sleep with another guy, I will find out, and it will be over, I won’t help you with anything, I won’t pay you a dime
 
I returned his gaze and started laughing. He grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me on the bed. I kept laughing fearlessly looking into his eyes. He was mad. I did not care.
 
          Is this body mine?
          Be careful with my knee, I just recovered from fracturing it.
          Is this body mine?
          Let me go, you are scaring me
          No
          Let me go
 
He needed my loyalty and honesty to satisfy his ego, and I never gave any of this to him. He got wild to the point of being violent. He yelled, called me slut, left and came back. I remained adamant and kept myself to myself.