I am scared of Jim, of his power, his dominance, and his ability to get his way remaining deaf and blind to the needs of others. I can beg him on my knees, he will step over and move on. Actually not, first, he will have me kiss his feet, he is dom. “Get on your knees, quickly; I want you to worship me, Vixen”. I bend, I surrender myself, I am afraid he will destroy me, and the feeling of fear gets me all aroused.
Persistently and slowly he spreads his tentacles through my life withdrawing me from those who I love and who love me. He did his best to cut me off James, and he succeeded. I have not seen James for a long time. Now, he hates my best girlfriend, a nice Christian girl who does my taxes. “She is rude, lazy, and ignorant, she is giving you bad advice on taxes, she has no understanding of the tax code, she is not really your friend, she is an idiot”.
– But she is my best friend, you cannot just come into my life and put labels on people I love
– I am your friend, I am probably the most normal person you ever had in your crazy life. You gotta start trusting me, Vixen.
I never did. Being around him feels like playing with fire; dangerous and enticing. No trust, no love, pure lust and obsession with domination and submission.
He never listens. He does not care about my feelings, He wants me to bow down and kiss his feet, and I do. He bends me over the couch forcefully spreading my legs, and I give in. He keeps extending his dominance outside the bedroom, I quietly surrender. He stretches out his tentacles to all aspects of my life, and it is scary, and exciting; I feel dizzy and get wet at his heavy look. He is gaining more and more power over me, part of me resists it, part of me hates him, part of me gets turned on.
He fiercely pulls my hair, I whisper our safe word “yellow” and he lets me go. One day he did not. He got aggressive and intense, pulling my hair too hard. My whispering “Yellow” turned into crying “Red! Stop! Leave me now!” He finally came and released his grip.
– I love sex with you Vixen. You are totally submissive, I can’t get enough of you.
– You were supposed to stop when I say our safe word. You will end up hurting me and going to jail, – it went too far, I was sore and scared.
– I will never hurt you.
I was hypnotized by his power and control. It had nothing to do with love. I loved Greg, I craved Jim; he was way too hot and dramatic to be loved. He pushed my buttons, got me crazy, and brought me back to sanity through his dick. I melted, entirely losing my identity, totally subordinating myself to his dominance. It had nothing to do with love. It was a pure addiction.
My neighbor stopped by later that night. She brought zucchini and tomatoes. We chatted, we laughed, I enjoyed fresh veggie bites with olive oil and pepper putting the weird dom/sub episode in the back of my mind. I was too tired to think if I want to see Jim again.