– Lying is a huge deal breaker, Vixen – Greg leaned towards me. I moved closer. Snuggling with him on the carpet was delightful. He was as warm as a big German Shepherd.
– Where did this come from? – I was surprised at his attempts to start a conversation. Busy, focused, and introverted, he rarely shared anything with me. Our relationship was very physical, we conversed through touch and skin, verbal communication was very uncommon.
– If you lie, I won’t be with you
– I won’t lie
– I am just saying, I am loyal, and expect it from you.
– I am loyal, – I leaned on him and closed my eyes. People need illusions that the world runs according to their expectations. I kept giving Greg the illusion of loyalty; it made him happy, he kept coming back, it made me happy.
I never got to realize what is so attractive about loyalty that people are ready to separate, divorce, or even become violent with each other after they realize that they are not the only ones in their partner’s life. We are not unique, people can be substituted, it is not a big deal, it is the way things work in this world.
I will say whatever Greg wants to hear to support the fallacy that he is the only man I care for in my life. Crushing this illusion would be painful to him, and I do not want it. When you love you want to make sure that he or she feels good. I love Greg. I want him happy and stress-free, he will never know that my heart is capable of having feelings for other people. He does not need to know.
– What is going on between you and Jim?
– Nothing, – I knew Jim would never tell the truth, he kept his profile very low; plus admitting to the fact that he is around a girl like me could harm his spotless reputation.
– Did you break up with him?
That’s it, end of discussion. He opened up for a moment to get the confirmation that I am still his possession. Once he got it, he shut down almost immediately. I felt his relief as he was crawling back into his shell. His mind was phenomenal – copious publications, spectacular career in otolaryngology, recent promotion to the CEO position, he was genius, simply genius.
We maintained the eye-contact having sex on his leather loveseat. I had my legs on his shoulders, he was very affectionate, I was totally surrendering to him. He reached orgasm and turned on the TV. I started picking up the clothes from the carpet.
– Are you loyal, Vixen?
I flinched feeling his gaze on my back and slowly turned around. He was staring at me intensely without smiling. Our eyes met, and for the first time I sensed his need to have me in his life. I was finally invited into his inner world carefully hidden behind the silence of his introversion.
– Yes, Greg, – I am only loyal to myself, but he does not need to know. He felt very naïve and vulnerable, and I did not want to hurt his feelings.