Two hours behind the wheel got me pensive, the road was dark and boring, quiet music added to my reflective mood. What is actually happiness?
Happiness comes when the burden of adulthood is taken off my shoulders. When I stop absorbing sick societal demands to behave in line with my age, gender, education, and social background, life opens new doors.
Happiness comes when I live with my eyes wide open, twisting the kaleidoscope of this reality instead of burying myself in the box of someone’s expectations.
I recalled Carla’s “We have to observe the proper decorum, otherwise this society will collapse into chaos”, and shook my head. She was a lawyer, relentless and obsessive about rules and regulations. I disagreed, she got mad, hiding her insecurities behind feminism, sexless suits, and lies about being happy with someone who has weak erection and eyes of a tired cow.
Happiness is the ability to let go of the baggage of resentment, anger, and fears, and feel as light as a leaf in the wind. Happiness is the rare quality to see this world as a 2-year-old: no obligation, no etiquette, no deadlines.
Happiness comes when we take off the pretense masks; or at least when we stop associating ourselves with the fakeness we have to send to this world in order to be accepted.
Happiness means drinking water in the morning, feeling the morning freshness with each cell of the body.
Happiness means touching a leather seat with the naked skin, panty-less in Greg’s Audi.
Happiness means 50 boy push-ups outside, in the evening; inhale down, exhale up, muscles are sore, heart is ready to jump out of the chest. Darkness, chilliness and raccoons around.
Happiness means watching sunsets by myself on the beach, screeching seagulls, kissing teenagers, and the redness of the sea horizon.
– What does happiness mean to you? – I asked Greg once trying get through his cold pit-bull eyes to feel his soul.
– I am happy.
– I mean how does it feel when you are happy?
– I am happy, – his response was usually laconic, his voice was usually insensitive. Always focused, always to the point. Cold mind, hot penis. His academic writings were logical and geniusly succinct; intimacy with him was awesome, his introversion drove me crazy.
Happiness means feeling whole with or without the most wonderful person in this world.
Happiness means being here and now driving through the darkness of Florida Everglades.
Happiness means drawing and coloring elves and dragons prior falling asleep.
Happiness feels like comfort, safety, and serenity.
Happiness comes with physical and emotional health.
Happiness is one of few real things to strive for in our meaningless existence.