life

Birthday, Greg, Threesome Experience

          What do you want for your birthday, luv? – Greg stopped by for lunch. His presence made me happy and hyper as usual.   

          Um… – I was hesitant, – remember your present last year?

          No, not again, – his voice turned into metal, I giggled and dropped my gaze.

Last year I asked him for a threesome. I wanted a girl to feel and share; it got Greg excited, and he introduced me to Monica. She was his new medical secretary; 27 years of age, very small and very skinny, the size of a sitting cat, she almost looked like my twin sister. Velvet skin, firm butt, and the baby-doll look of huge Bambi eyes. She smelled nice even after Chinese buffet where greedy Greg fed her before they came to my place. Her long hair felt awesome on my skin. Although a bit numb and somewhat insincere, she still did not lose the ability to give and receive warmth. I liked her; she seemed to be the right fit.

Watching her with Greg did turn me on. He kept his eyes closed while she was moving up and down on his dick, I knew he was having fun as she was bouncing on him. She was pale and quiet, he was sweaty and expressive. Watching him cum from aside was touching, he was simplistic and transparent, a wild animal, the man of my dreams. Knowing that he was pleasured was very satisfying to me.

A couple of weeks later she got possessive. It was unfortunate I really started falling for her. Her lips were soft, her fingers got me aroused. But her attitudes were changing dramatically with each time we got together.

  
   –      Every time I try to talk to him, and he does not listen, – she was hopeful I would be sympathetic, but I did not care. – I want to date him, and you are always around, – I shrugged my shoulders.  – I asked him to take me on a cruise and he said NO, is he always that greedy?  She was quickly turning from a Bambi into a barracuda, she wanted to possess his penis and his bank accounts. I knew it would be over soon, Greg was scared of being used and had zero tolerance for gold-digging games.

A month after Greg told me he does not want to see her any longer.

          Why?  – her body was sweet, her breath was fresh, her mind was kinda messed up since she thought she would change Greg, but it was her problem.

          She called my wife and told her something. Emy is mad. Now, I have to deal with it, I am disappointed. If she ever calls me, my lawyer will help me file an injunction. You gotta stop talking to her, Vixen.

          I won’t, – our threesome experience ended up as a failure. I knew he cared about his perfect married-man-with-two-kids reputation.  

          So what present do you want for your birthday? – Greg was getting impatient. His lunch break was almost over, he was getting ready to return to the hospital.

          Emerald bracelet

          You’ll have it.

He fired Monica after she tried to make a mess with his family life. I felt sorry for her. She was  naïve, she failed to understand that guys like Greg are awesome in bed and tough in life. They are fun to f*ck but changing them is impossible.
happiness, life, love

Happiness is

 


Happiness is…. 

 

Two hours behind the wheel got me pensive, the road was dark and boring, quiet music added to my reflective mood. What is actually happiness? 

Happiness comes when the burden of adulthood is taken off my shoulders. When I stop absorbing sick societal demands to behave in line with my age, gender, education, and social background, life opens new doors.

Happiness comes when I live with my eyes wide open, twisting the kaleidoscope of this reality instead of burying myself in the box of someone’s expectations.
I recalled Carla’s “We have to observe the proper decorum, otherwise this society will collapse into chaos”, and shook my head. She was a lawyer, relentless and obsessive about rules and regulations. I disagreed, she got mad, hiding her insecurities behind feminism, sexless suits, and lies about being happy with someone who has weak erection and eyes of a tired cow.

 

 Happiness is the ability to let go of the baggage of resentment, anger, and fears, and feel as light as a leaf in the wind. Happiness is the rare quality to see this world as a 2-year-old: no obligation, no etiquette, no deadlines.
Happiness comes when we take off the pretense masks; or at least when we stop associating ourselves with the fakeness we have to send to this world in order to be accepted.
Happiness means drinking water in the morning, feeling the morning freshness with each cell of the body.
Happiness means touching a leather seat with the naked skin, panty-less in Greg’s Audi.
Happiness means 50 boy push-ups outside, in the evening; inhale down, exhale up, muscles are sore, heart is ready to jump out of the chest. Darkness, chilliness and raccoons around.
Happiness means watching sunsets by myself on the beach, screeching seagulls, kissing teenagers, and the redness of the sea horizon.
          What does happiness mean to you?  – I asked Greg once trying get through his cold pit-bull eyes to feel his soul.
          I am happy.
          I mean how does it feel when you are happy?
          I am happy, – his response was usually laconic, his voice was usually insensitive. Always focused, always to the point. Cold mind, hot penis. His academic writings were logical and geniusly succinct; intimacy with him was awesome, his introversion drove me crazy.  
Happiness means feeling whole with or without the most wonderful person in this world.
Happiness means being here and now driving through the darkness of Florida Everglades.
Happiness means drawing and coloring elves and dragons prior falling asleep.
Happiness feels like comfort, safety, and serenity.
Happiness comes with physical and emotional health. 
Happiness is one of few real things to strive for in our meaningless existence.   
life

Dom and Sub, Choking, Jim


          Stop lying to yourself. You like Jim, – The morning started with Heather’s phone call.
          I am in the middle of something, may I call you back later? – I had no desire to talk to her. 

Initially, it was her idea to introduce me to Rick; the crazy motherf*cker who was into knocking up random women. I slowly stretched under the blanket reluctant to get out of bed.
 
She was actually right. I liked Jim, otherwise I would not keep coming back every time I felt I was done with his possessiveness. I recalled his recent “be my sub, please your man” and felt a slight tingle between my legs. I was submissive, he was dominant, one part of me hated his constant attempts to get me totally subservient. The other part was easily aroused every time he approached me with something like “I want to f*ck my hot submissive Vixen”.  He was not Greg, he was much more persistent and controlling. Teasing him was like playing with fire. Jim could destroy me, his obsessiveness got me scared and horny, I wanted to dump him, and I wanted intimacy at the same time. Feeling up and down, never ending drama.
 
          You send mixed signals, you seduce and then you freeze, I can’t figure you out
          Than don’t, don’t figure me out, I am not an oyster for you to crack
Less than a second, and he got very close. His hand tightened around my neck, our eyes met, I felt like melting, seriously melting while holding his gaze.
          You like it rough, right?
I kept quietly holding his gaze, he had that heavy, unreadable look in his eyes that was always my huge turn-on. There was something hypnotic about his power, all I wanted was to give in and entirely dissolve. The arousal started from my neck and went down. His other hand was in my panties, the fingers sliding into me. I closed my eyes focusing on the weird sensation: horny and scared at the same time. He took his hand off my neck not waiting for our safe word.
 
          What is on your mind, Vixen?
 I shook my head unwilling to open my eyes. He kept trying to understand me, I kept hiding in my own world.
–            Will you be my sub? Will you please your master? I will cherish you for that
 
I did not want to respond, he would not like my answer anyway. He was trying to understand what does not exist. I felt like being split in thousand tiny pieces that he was trying to collect without asking if I needed it. He was trying to fix what Greg kept destroying randomly showing up in my life. But Greg could assemble me with a short “I want you now” text message; and I would be there, forgetting and forgiving everything. The essence of true submission, the psychological aspect of complete subordination; the ability to give, give, and give, without asking or expecting anything in return.
 
I finally got out of bed and went into the shower. It was the time to get ready, pack the suitcase, and check out. I was happy to leave Jacksonville, it was not too hospitable to me this time.   
life

Psychopath, Rick, His House


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The second time I met Rick was in Jacksonville. My company sent me for training, which was long and boring. The hotel I was staying smelled like the combination of laundry detergent and pool chlorine. The guests next door were drunk and loud. As soon as I opened the door to the terrace, the smell of weed hit me in the face. The thought of staying in through the evening was horrifying. I recalled Rick had a house in Jacksonville. Our first meeting was bad. He freaked me out with his weird statements about knocking me up, and I ran away. I was scared, Greg was pissed. Rick was his friend, and I was rude and hysterical. I should have called the receptionist and complained about bad smells and partying behind the wall; but I figured having dinner with Greg’s friend would be more fun. That psychiatrist was nuts during that fishing tournament in Saint Pete, but I decided to give him a second chance. Actually, I decided to give myself a second chance, I needed a company for that evening, I felt tired, forgotten, and lonely.
 
He immediately responded to my “Hey, how are you doing?” and said he was glad I gave him a call.
          Vixen, I thought you forgot about me and moved on, where are you?
 We chatted about heavy Friday traffic, work stress, and weather. He seemed to be happy I had no plans for the evening and invited me to dinner. I gave him the address of the hotel, and met him in the lobby.  
 
Vixen, I am glad you are here. You have been on my mind since that tournament, sorry I was busy, I did not get a chance to call you, long hours, I was swamped – I quietly smiled to his blah, blah, blah. He did not call, because he was not interested. Obviously, something went wrong for him that Friday night, and I was his chance to get lucky at the end of the day.
He was polite and pleasant at the dinner table. He did not not sound like nuts, not at all. He talked about research and his postdoc students, I pretended I was interested.
When the dinner was over, he asked about my plans for the rest of the evening. I shrugged my shoulders. He had dark eyes and a white smile. He was very tall, athletic and knowledgeable of statistics. I was planning to go back to my room and run SPSS for my research proposal. Multiple regression and boy push-ups, packing the suitcase and trying to get some sleep prior going back home was on my to-do list.
 
          My house is not far from here, would you like to come over?
I suddenly remembered Jim’s words, “this guy is weird, his obsession with knocking up women is freaking dangerous, stay away” and thought Jim was jealous. He hated losing, and he was losing me to Greg all the time. Rick was Greg’s friend, no wonder why he could not stand the guy.
 
          Do you want to come to my place?  – Rick got persistent, I was ready to return to the hotel.
          I do not think it is a good idea
          Why? – he had something in common with Jim, same deep penetrating look, same hypnotic demeanor, same reluctance to accept no. Guys like this turned me on.
          Because I do not know you, going to a stranger may be dangerous. You work with severe mental cases, you should know better.  
          I am not a stranger to you, we saw each other before. You know Greg and Emy, actually, they are my best friends.
          I am tired, – I was not into going to his place. Sending mixed signals and giving fake hopes to fuck was fun, but I was not going to get laid after flirting.
          Come on, your hotel stinks, we will chat, and I will take you back
          I do not fuck on a first date
          As you wish, – suddenly, his voice got carelessly sexless. His hotness was gone, I felt like I was speaking to a girlfriend.
          What shall we do if we do not fuck?
          I will show you my new house, Greg said you like fish tanks, I have homegrown coral reefs.
 
His vehicle was new and expensive. I complimented his driving, he laughed and put his hand on my knee. Of course he lied about living close to the hotel. After 30 minutes of driving, we finally turned into his driveway. I got out shivering; it was chilly, dark, and late. I knew there were no fish tanks as soon as I saw the outside of his house. The house looked dark, very dark. Red sea coral reefs require lighting that I would see from the street. He lied again.
 
He is a psycho, it is not normal to tell a girl you just met you want to knock her up. If you can’t see that then you have issues ”. Jim’s words in my heard got louder as I came to the front door.
He let me in and turned on the light in the living room. I slightly nodded to his “I gotta make a phone call, make yourself comfortable”, he went upstairs, I looked around. The house was new, huge, and inhospitable, I felt lost trying to find a restroom when I saw that door. I lost count of rooms, everything looked, felt, and smelled new, brand spanking new, dark, and demonic; everything about that place seemed to be reflective of Rick’s gloomily polite personality. That door I ran into flipping switches and not seeing any fish tanks (Rick was a liar, which did not surprise me much at that point), but that door freaked me out.  It was almost destroyed, ripped like a feathered pillow. It looked like someone repeatedly stabbed it with a knife. I shuddered at the contrast between the quiet cleanliness of the house and the badly damaged plywood and hurried back turning the lights off on my way to the living-room.
 
Rick was still upstairs when I reached out for my iPhone. “Hey Emy, what is Rick’s address in Jacksonville? I may stop by to say hi” She responded almost immediately, I knew she was hopeful I will hook up with that psycho and forget about Greg.  As soon as I had the address, I contacted taxi services, and slid the iPhone into my handbag.  
 
He finally got off the phone, came downstairs, and handed me water with ice.
          I see no fish tanks here, – I still saw that stabbed door in front of me as I was talking to him; my voice was surprisingly dispassionate, I felt weird.
          I forgot, I have them in Boca.
          I should go than. There is no point for me to be here.
          Why? Greg said you are fun and submissive
          Greg lied, – I shifted my gaze to the front door and saw the taxi lights through the fiberglass.  – I gotta go, my taxi is here.
          What happened when I was on the phone? – he looked surprised and disappointed.
          I did not see any fish tanks, there is no point for me to stay here
          You know, – the tone of his voice froze me as I was pushing the heavy front door. – I never understood Greg. You are very averagely looking and anorexic. Bye slut, – he flipped from calm to hysterical within seconds. I felt happy the cab was waiting outside.
 
I entered my hotel room and broke in tears; coming into a stranger’s household was carelessly stupid. The torn-up door was still on my mind, it was still freaking me out. Whoever ripped it had issues, serious mental issues.
 
The next morning started with a text from Emy. She was curious if I was with Rick the night before. I responded “it went well” and started packing my suitcase getting ready to leave.