life, love

Loyalty and honesty


          I want loyalty and honesty, – this was Jim’s usual mantra, something he was constantly begging for with that puppy-look in his deeply dark Italian eyes.
          I thought you want passion and affection, – I was flirtatiously evasive. He had the power to literary destroy my life with his influence, money, and connections.  I could feel his mightiness; scary and magnetic, hot and cold, crazy and sane. My personality split. Part of me craved him badly, the other part kept running away. That fearful excitement got me wet, very wet. The feeling of powerlessness was amazing; sexually arousing and insanely scary. My nipples were erect every time he threw me to the roller coaster of elation and panic. I was addicted to it.  
          I want you, be honest and consistent with me. I am tired of being the Yo-Yo. I want my lover back, are you still my hot sub?
Jim was into dom/sub role playing. He was dom to the point of being sadistic. I kept giving in since there was something very calming in the realization that he has the entire control over my body and my mind. That hypnotic powerlessness had me return to him after lashing out in the effort to break up. I almost belonged to him. The only thing I kept to myself was the element of loyalty and honesty that he was craving for. I am very loyal and perfectly honest to myself, and to no one else. I am a cat girl that is used to the luxury of fifth avenue houses and gulf clubs. I do not have much attachment to people.  And Jim felt that, and it drove him nuts.
He was asking for the impossible, he wanted my soul; and I was not willing to give it to him. His inquiries about my total belonginess to his wants and needs caused fits of my hysterical laughter. I never said yes or no.
          If you sleep with another guy, I will find out, and it will be over, I won’t help you with anything, I won’t pay you a dime
I returned his gaze and started laughing. He grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me on the bed. I kept laughing fearlessly looking into his eyes. He was mad. I did not care.
          Is this body mine?
          Be careful with my knee, I just recovered from fracturing it.
          Is this body mine?
          Let me go, you are scaring me
          Let me go
He needed my loyalty and honesty to satisfy his ego, and I never gave any of this to him. He got wild to the point of being violent. He yelled, called me slut, left and came back. I remained adamant and kept myself to myself.