sugar

Greg’s introversion


Introversion equals Greg. His world is hidden behind the wall of silence, professional ethics, workaholism, and the habit to internalize everything. It took me years to grasp the fact that the only way for him to be emotionally available is to leave him alone, have my own life, and let go of all attempts to get him interested in what is thrilling to myself.
Jim is different. His extroversion makes him as saccharine as old German Jägermeister. He yells at me that I am not warm enough; with Greg, I constantly have to quieten my self-expression. I gotta listen to Greg’s silent narcissism stepping on my own desires, while Jim urges me to get out of my shell and tell him about the feeling that he expects me to have for him.
          How do you relate with your introvert? – I was on the phone with my ex sister-in-law whose husband was akin to Greg, quiet, absent, inexpressive.
          You gotta find the approach and start building trust, people like Marc have trust issues – my sister-in-law is extroverted, actually was extroverted, red-headed, and stunningly vigorous until she married Marc, the CPA dude who, with years, put out her inner fire and turned her into an obese and nervous mother of three with alcohol-related issues. Are you speaking about someone from work or is it your personal involvement?
          My personal involvement, but he is even worse than your Marc, – I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. I wanted to be with Greg, but the thought of gradually turning into my poor sister-in-law made me shiver with horror.
          Are you speaking about this surgeon? – The tone of her voice seemed kinda invasive, and I suddenly had the impulse to stop this conversation and hang up on her.
          Why?
          I think it is fairly typical of male surgeons
          How are the kids? – I briefly changed the subject, discussing the man of my dream with her was not something I was willing to do
Greg’s demeanor is unfathomable; short yes/no responses, constant self-focus, and egotistical attitudes. Poor Emy. Living with a man like this must be a torture. Sex is the only way for me to get through and have him be verbally available, but I am not verbal in sex.
Vixen, auditory is a part of good sex, I wanna hear you – is Greg’s usual feedback. But I cannot express myself when being in bed with him. Not that I am afraid he will stab me in the back with my own words, I just do not feel like entirely opening up to anyone, I need my personal space, my own secret garden…  Wow, seems like I am introverted too.  This insight brought me some relief. Maybe we have things in common, maybe we can feel the same.

I have neither aspirations nor present or future with him only his sudden emergence in my life marked by intense sex and silent aftermath interrupted by TV and his need for steak and the access code to my Wifi.  How do I feel about it? Nonchalant, tired, and kinda sleepy.

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