What would happen if my ex-husband were not violent?
– I would clearly stay with him saving the family and face for my son’s sake.
– I would suffocate in Sunday grocery shopping, routine church visits, family reunions, and endless Thanksgiving-Christmas-Easter nightmare redolent of kids’ tantrums and smells of baked animal corpse.
– I would continue putting up with the spousal weak erection fantasizing about Greg’s hard penis and his relentless dominance.
– I would smile and hug for family portraits thinking about the next time I could get away and be with Greg.
– I would come home after hurried sex in his Audi and serve dinner engaging myself in family gossip, responding to the in-laws’ nonsense, and still feeling Greg’s semen between my legs.
– I would accept my family life as something inevitable and adjust my moral principles accordingly. I would split myself into two personalities. And I would learn to juggle between the societal requirements and my true wants and needs.
– My son would call my ex “daddy” and would never know his real father. I would watch him grow recognizing Greg in everything he does.
– I would still be happy. I have the talent to find happiness about everything in this life no matter what happens.
The fact that my ex became abusive when I got pregnant was my liberation, the pass into the world where I finally started breathing freely outside never-ending lies, manipulations, jealousy, drama, and possessiveness carefully hidden under the societal term of “family responsibilities”.
Nowadays I wake up every morning grateful that I am free and live my life the way I want.