life

The Art of Being Alive


I dislike frozen people. They refuse to see the reality the way it is and live in their shells where they hide themselves from life. They are weak to face the truth and lie all the time. They lie about how much they love their jobs, how happy they are in relations, how successful they are in life. Some of them even have kids. Poor ones, living with numb parents that feed them lies 24 hours a day is no fun.
Frozen people give up too fast since they are weak. They allow others to hurt them, they dramatize about being hurt throughout the entire life. They take antidepressants, drink alcohol, and hang out with similar losers.  Being frozen is no cool; it is asexual; it is like having sex with 100 condoms. Yikes.
I promised to myself to never freeze, to never block myself from the world no matter what happens since it is delightful to relate to the world through the skin, through the touch, through my body, through my feelings. If my heart breaks, be it, I will accept it as a challenge, deal with it, and keep walking though the life open and inquisitive. 

I do feel pain, and I never fight it. I accept it as a part of being a human, I neither hide nor regret.

I made the decision to never prevent myself from feeling when it rained heavily. I was standing in the parking lot absolutely lost. The first time I experienced Greg’s personality. Very tall, very charismatic, cold blue eyes, blond hair, 3-day stubble, and talented narcissism.  He was sexually aggressive and kept pressuring and pressuring me into having sex until I gave in. And of course he disappeared after, and of course I felt like a tossed paper bag from Wholefoods. Sore from his big un-lubed cock, and entirely drained physically and emotionally, I was giving promises to my reflection in the puddles that I will not close myself from the world and will never become one of those insensible zombies who gave up on themselves long ago and mechanically buy groceries, go to church, and fall asleep with someone they have no feelings for.
That night when I returned to the farce of my marriage, I knew I would leave as soon as I have enough funds to afford my own place. I started saving up. 6 months later Greg ran into me in a grocery store, and it all started again. 
Ten months after I was living by myself carrying his child, and feeling the happiest person on this planet every time he stopped by with mangoes and pineapples. Greg may come and go, I will never suppress my feelings. I will continue trusting this Universe no matter how painful it is when he disappears from my life.  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.